Redemption, Thy Name is N-I-Shoe

Young Girl: ...and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby too.
Wednesday: They had sex.
-Addams Family Values, 1993

And with that, your daily quotation from the quote-nation, this here edition of the blog begins. As always, I'm Jake, this is my place, come on in. Just don't put your feet up anywhere. Especially not there! (CRASH!) I warned you. Okay, get out.

First order of business, of course, is that I'm working in the cluster (or clustaaahh for the truly initiated), which is always good because it means I may actually make some money this summer as opposed to pissing it all away on useless frivolities like you know, food and gasoline. The bad news is that there are like 27,000 people in here right now and they are making me jittery. I feel like they're going to rise as one and slay me at any moment. Especially that sour-faced girl in the pink who keeps refilling the printer trays on her own. That's my job, you triflin' ho! And I know I've only worked here twice, but I swear if one more person comes up to me asking "how do I print?" and I have to show them the log in and print system, I'm going to rend life from my earthly body. How so many people who have never used the ND computer clusters before could be in an ND cluster all at one time every time I work is beyond me. But more are leaving now and thus my heart rate is slowing. Only an hour left before a blessed change of venue and perhaps some solace. On to happier matters.

Namely, what I did with my weekend. One word, folks: Aiea. And oh, what a glorious time we had. I would just like to take this opportunity to thank my lovely girlfriend for coming and brightening my life for those 3 sweet, sweet days like she did. Especially because she went to the considerable trouble of driving all the way down from Lansing by herself in her mother's minivan. Special props go out to Mama Sauer for allowing her to do so, but man was that a gesture and a half. I really didn't deserve such kindness. Though Aiea contends that we are losers, I actually relish the fact that we didn't do much of anything all weekend and still had a great time. We didn't have to in my book; there was nothing else I would have rather done than listen to showtunes, watch movies and gulp down Hawaiian Punch like a camel. And in our defense, it was really effing hot in South Bend the whole time, and nowhere could we lay our heads where air conditioning flowed. We're talking heat indexes of well over 100 here. Like swampy-ass Everglades weather. So we had an excuse to lay around and be inactive: it was impossible to do anything else. I'd especially like to thank Anna for putting me and Aiea up all weekend. She was the consumate hostess and I know it's not easy to watch me be all lovey-duvey with anyone, even if they are as darned cute as Aiea is. So much love, Anna Banana. Don't worry, you'll find you a man soon enough. The only drawback to the weekend was that it had to end. Aiea and I have way too much fun together to be apart for as long as we are. But I believe absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I'll be returning the favor and going up to Lansing in two weeks, so all hope is not lost. I just hope she sticks with me long enough to meet my parents so I can talk her through the Billy and Dorothy experience. Don't worry, hon, they'll love you, they may just put their feet in their mouths quite a few times before letting you know that.

Speaking of dear old Dad and...Dad's wife, I just received some news on the home front that completes what must have been a tumultuous weekend in D-Town. Very few people know this, because I haven't been allowed to talk about it, but my mother has been going through a time of career transition. In what can best be described as an unfortunate consequence of budget problems, my mom's boss at St. Mary's School in Sycamore informed her earlier this spring that next school year she would only be invited back to teach in a half-time position. The long and short of it is that the school is controlled by the Catholic Diocese of Rockford, and all over this area churches and schools have been feeling the pinch. It came down to a choice between Mom and the school's kindergarten teacher, and my mom was chosen to be demoted despite having a longer tenure than the other teacher. It was probably because her boss thought she would take the news better than the other woman, but the final result was that my mom's self-confidence took a pretty heavy blow. Mom had this job for about 5 years and it has had its ups and downs. But after about 10 years of unrewarding positions before this one, she was just starting to feel like she was establishing herself and really doing some good in this post. This is really important to my mom, who is, no b.s., the kindest and most loving person you ever want to meet. She teaches for the same reason she loves mothering me so much; she loves children, she loves educating, and she loves giving of herself to see others succeed. Though she has had some trouble doing some of the things she's been asked to do and had a lot on her plate, Mom accomplished a lot at St. Mary's especially in building their 7th and 8th grade program from the ground up. She and her students have been in the local paper for their good deeds and achievements many times, and every student she's had has loved her. But politics are politics, and all things considered I felt that leaving St. Mary's might be a good thing, because Mom's boss tends to drive her absolutely bonkers.

Actually, Mom would have accepted the half-time job except that I'm still trying to finish college, and thus there is no way that we can all get by without her having a full-time job (aren't I just a lovely little chink in the armor?). This is the ugly side of the American educational system, folks. Education is the most important thing we can give to our children, but it costs a fortune to give it to them. And the sickest irony is that primary school educators are not rewarded nearly as richly as they should be for the work they do to prepare young people for college, thus they get squeezed as much as anyone when they want their kids to have higher learning. I only whine because you'll never hear Mom or Dad doing so, and I think somebody ought to. I tell you, that is the one and only reason I would ever go into politics, to straighten out the ass backwards relationship between money and education. But I digress. The point is, Mom has been slugging through the arduous task of searching for another job for the last couple of months while at the same time finishing her tenure at St. Mary's. Needless to say, it's been a big stressor for us all. Mom was less than enthusiastic about the whole process, and while I can't blame her (she had a job she liked, and she didn't see any reason why she should have to search for another), it did disturb me a bit to see where I get some of my anxiety with trying new things and taking on difficult tasks. Maybe that's why I got so frustrated with her when she told me how slow it was all going. That she didn't deserve, and I am sorry because I'm sure she was getting it from my dad at the same time and it wasn't helping anything. But I'd like to think I really did help motivate her, especially when I used my extensive Microsoft Word wizardry to make her a spiffy new resume. Wasn't a big deal at all to me, took me about 20 minutes, but to her it was, so I hope she knows how glad I was to do it.

The happy ending is that Mom got one of the first jobs she applied for, and it became official today. Salvation came from a likely suspect, that of Mom and Dad's alma mater of Northern Illinois University. Just one more reason that although I never even attended a class there, I will always love NIU like it was my own school, no matter how much disrespect it gets here at Notre Dame ("NIU? More like, N-I-Shoe!"). A former professor of Mom's put an ad in the classifieds for a position in coordinating student teachers for the education college. A resume, some recommendations, an interview and a tortuous two weeks of waiting later, they called to tell her she got the job. Mom had to feel like Shaq going to Miami and winning without Kobe getting back on her feet so fast. I'm interested in how Mom will do with this new position. It will be her first time ever working in something other than a classroom teaching setting. She won't work with young students but rather future teachers, and I hope that she can handle the transition without slipping up and talking to them like they're 12 years old. If anything, I pray her complex and intellectually challenging relationship with me has prepared her for what she's about to begin. Honestly, I think this change will be great for her, and as long as she keeps an open mind and her wits about her, she will do fine. I know because every friend I've ever had loves my mother. And I tend to run with a tough crowd, so she must be doing something right. If you have any room left on your list, please thank God in your prayers for the blessing he bestowed on my family today. The only problem now is that her birthday is Monday; how am I gonna top something like this for a present?

Speaking of prayers, the other reason this news couldn't have come at a better time is that my extended family suffered a great tragedy this weekend. My aunt Bridget, a twin and one of the youngest of my mother's 13 siblings, lost her daughter on Sunday. Her name was Cleo, and she arrived four months premature. She lived for about 15 minutes, just long enough for both Bridget and her husband John to hold her and the nurse to baptize her. My mom was especially broken up when she told me on Sunday night, because she and Dad had gone to visit Bridget and John just last weekend. Not only that, but she knows what it is like to lose a baby, and I don't think she's ever fully recovered from the passing of my unborn brother and sister, so she was really aching for good news. Right now my heart goes out to Mom, Aunt Bridge and little cuz Cleo. To paraphrase Elton John, I would've liked to have known you, but you were just a kid. Your candle burned out long before your memory ever will. You were loved and you will be loved very much forever. I can't wait to see you in Heaven someday and talk about how crazy our family is. If you're reading this, I ask that you take a moment to pray, as I do now while writing it...



"Llllllllllet's get ready to ramblllllllllllllleeeeee!" (quick thoughts comin'):

-I was apart from cable all weekend and thus did not see any of this year's second Crosstown Classic series. Sacrilege, I know, but I was busy. All things considered, I'm happy with the outcome. The Cubs could've used a sweep, but that just doesn't happen when the North Siders and South Siders hook up. The return of Mark Prior was very promising, and hey, Corey Patterson did something right for a change. Good, I say, every home run makes him more attractive trade bait. Now all we need to do is get the All-Star weekend foolishness out of the way and the White Sox can focus on making their first serious World Series push that I can remember. I think all the pieces are already in place, and there's still time for Kenny Williams to shore up the pitching staff and GET RID OF EFFING JOE CREDE, ALREADY!!! C'mon!

-Hot Shots Golf Fore! for PS2 is one of the most addictive, engaging games ever created. No joke, even if you don't like golf at all this game has something for you, and that, Gabe Torres, is why it is just as good as any Tiger Woods game. Plus it's much easier to play while being just difficult enough to master. Not to mention it has the best audio/visual effects (the ping of the 10 ton hammer driver, the onomatopoeias when the ball hits things, blue flame!), supporting characters (nothing beats a blue kerchief-wearing dog as a caddie or when Greg says "Balls!" when you hit in the sand) and secret characters (Jak and Ratchet, OMG!) in any sports game on the market. An easy buy for anyone on the market for a great game you can pick up and play any time or keep playing forever without getting bored.

-Martin's is the best supermarket ever. Not only do they have sales on, well, everything, they also have the best selection of any food mart in the known universe. Fresh fried chicken every day, lobsters in the tank, a full deli restaurant in the store, and Mondo on sale for 99 cents! If it was Squeez-It or Kool-Aid Bursts instead of Mondo, I think I would worship Martin's like a pagan god.

-Batman Begins is everything I hoped for and more. Believe the hype, it is one of if not the best superhero movie ever made. It does appropriate justice to a character and a franchise that had been brutally mistreated. In fact, seeing this movie just reinforces how utterly horrible the last movie (Batman and Robin) really was. Only the original Batman from 1989 compares to this release, and that's because Jack Nicholson as the Joker was the greatest villain ever. But this movie was rock solid top to bottom. All the performances were spot-on and very enjoyable; I even caught myself admiring Katie Holmes as the strong but not nymphomaniacal love interest, a first for the series. What made her role effective was the same thing that made the whole movie work: believability. Even though it is pure fantasy goodness, there was not one thing that happened in this movie that I didn't buy happening in reality. The stripped-down visual style and sparing use of CGI went a long way toward reinforcing this effect, and the down-to-earth characters brought it home. No more cartoon characters spouting awful puns (I'm looking at you, Arnold) and no more nipples in the Batsuit made for a more mature and relatable film that thrills, amuses and even tugs on the heartstrings. I would still recommend the original Batman TV series over this for little kids, but young adults and anyone older will love this film. Only complaint: the editing in the fight scenes was too frenetic and I often couldn't tell what the hell was going on. It was really cool in the sequence where Bats takes out Falcone's thugs because it brought the viewer in to the idea that he was striking and disappearing, keeping the crooks disoriented and scared. Other than that, it was just hard to keep up. Oh well, guess I'll just have to see it again until I get it all.

-The WWE draft is over, and the landscape certainly has changed. I like most of the changes made, although I do think Raw is now much stronger than Smackdown and got an uneven advantage in the exchange. Why? Well, when you break it down pick for pick, Cena and Batista are roughly equal but I think Cena has more of a long-term upside. Angle and Benoit are mirror images of each other, but Angle is a more interesting character and seems to be able to carry matches with lesser talent better. Carlito and Muhammad Hassan are roughly equal in role and status, but Carlito is ten times better on the mic and has a future, whereas Hassan is already getting old and is on the way down. That leaves you with Christian and Randy Orton on SD and Big Show and RVD on Raw. No real comparisions to make here, but I do think the only one who really benefits from the change in venue is Orton. He was dead weight on Raw, and now he can feud with Batista without HHH sticking his nose (pun intended) in. But Big Show and RVD are lost causes anywhere since neither one will ever get a serious push again, and all Christian's heat was geared toward a program with Cena that never really came to fruition and is now dead. I still wouldn't be surprised if he ends up being the biggest star out of this bunch one day. For now he's stuck behind JBL and Orton, but there aren't many other heels to feed to Batista so his day will come. In any case, I think change is good to keep things fresh, and there's a lot of potential here. I just don't like Cena's chances when he meets HHH, even if he is Hulk Hogan's new buddy. And has the best theme music in the company.

-If I could listen to just one artist's music for the rest of my life, it would be U2. They are consistently catchy without being too trite (excuse them for "Vertigo"), have a good amount of variety and their songs just speak to me. But that's just for today. By tomorrow my mind could change, because there's just too much great music in the world to be tied down.

That's all for now. Lots of cluster this week, so there'll be more later. Peace out, go see Batman!

"See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you."
-U2, if you can't figure out what song, I can't help you